


Guilt and Hope

by CeridwenofWales



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Angst and Feels, Child Death, Description of miscarried baby, F/M, Heavy Angst, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 22:34:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19485370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeridwenofWales/pseuds/CeridwenofWales
Summary: Argella and Alyssa bond over tragedy while Orys is away.Warning: Description of miscarriage and a dead fetus. Proceed with caution!





	Guilt and Hope

She should have called for the Maester when the first cramp made her gasp while hearing the petitions, but Argella ignored the slight discomfort and performed her duty as the lady of the lands she was raised to rule over.

Her father hadn’t raised her to dispense justice on a husband’s behalf, but her father was not there anymore. She would bear the burden alone. They could never claim her weak and unfit to rule for her sex. She was determined to make them all regret their treachery, to make them see she was not broken.

“The King is demanding too much, Lady Argella!” Lord Cafferen hissed, clenching his fists.

Argella raised her eyebrows, smirking, “That’s the price of war, my lord! Did you think Aegon would only demand you all to kneel? He wants to wage many wars until all the Kingdoms submit and as you must know, it’s not easy to feed an army with three grown dragons.”

Lord Cafferen lowered his gaze after the malicious remark, for while he was not among the men who dumped her naked at Orys’ feet, he took refuge in his castle after Argilac’s defeat, instead of pledging his sword and loyalty to the new Storm Queen.

Argella clenched her teeth, trying to conceal the discomfort as a new cramp attacked her lower belly.

“But we are still recovering after the dragon burned most of the Kingswood. We’re not even allowed to hunt.”

“The northern part of the forest now belongs to the Crown, but you can hunt in the southern portion of the woods and cut down some trees for firewood.” Argella granted him the permission because she didn’t want to blame the whole world for her misfortune. She had to pick her battles more wisely if she wanted to keep the Durrandon legacy alive.

_Let them call you Baratheon if they want, but you and I will know better._ Argella thought, placing her hand over the still imperceptible bump.

* * *

Argella regretted allowing her pride to cloud her judgment as Alyssa helped her to climb the steps to her chamber. She had to stop from time to time, clutching at her belly when the pain was piercing and her legs trembled. Once more Argella was being reminded of how it felt to be hopeless as invisible hands strangled the life within her.

_He will blame me!_

It shouldn’t matter what Orys thought of her, but Argella found herself imagining his disappointed face and felt her throat tightening. She hated that her body responded to him even at distance.

Cold sweat was dripping from her forehead, contrasting with warm surge Argella felt drenching her dress. Alyssa helped her to lay on the bed and Argella wondered if she would die in a pool of her own blood.

“I will fetch the Maester,” Alyssa turned to leave, but Argella squeezed her hand.

“Please! I don’t want to be alone!” Argella whispered as tears blurred her sight.

“I won’t leave your side!” Alyssa sits, gently smoothing the sweaty hair away from her forehead while Argella groans when a new wave of pain hit her. She could sense that it would last longer this time and clawed at the sheets, biting her lips to avoid crying out.

“Let go!” Alyssa whispered and Argella didn’t know if she was referring to another unavoidable loss or asking her to surrender to the urge to scream.

Argella had always known life was agony but being aware the cramps that threatened to drown her wouldn’t bring her child to her arms was unbearable. She couldn’t endure sorrow void of purpose.

Alys, one of the servant girls, pushed the door open, carrying a bucket of warm water for Argella’s bath. Argella’s sight was blurred by unshed tears, but she imagined the sight of blood terrified her handmaiden for the girl dropped the bucket.

“Fetch the master, girl!” Alyssa turned to look at the servant who was still paralyzed, “Quickly and be discreet!” She reprimanded, dismissing the woman with a wave of her hand.

* * *

  
When the Maester arrived, Argella’s skirts had been pushed up to her waist, blood staining the mattress.

“What have you done, my lady?” The elder man gasped, and the accusatory tone didn’t pass unnoticed by Alyssa and Argella.

Alyssa had never seen Argella so vulnerable as she gazed at her, unable to utter a reply to the grave accusation.

“Why don’t you do something useful to stop the bleeding?” Alyssa snapped, glaring at the man. She knew how it felt having her body not belonging to herself alone.

* * *

  
_It’s over!_ Alyssa sighed, sweat streaming from her nose, salting her lips. Argella was sitting against the headboard, her gaze lowered to her hand. She insisted on holding him despite Alyssa’s protests.

“What good will it do?” Alyssa muttered.

“There’s no need to shield me from the ugliness of the world. I know it so well.” Argella whimpered.

She watched in amazement as Argella unwrapped the small form that could have been her child. Her lips trembled and Argella blinked her teary eyelids.

“I knew it was a boy!” Argella lifted her head, smiling at Alyssa.

Argella glanced down, running her finger over the frail skin that allowed her to see the veins. Durrandon blood flowed through those veins.

"Do you think he was in pain?" Argella asked, her voice faltering as more tears streamed down her cheeks.

Alyssa couldn't affirm, but she would lie if it could soothe some of Argella's pain, "I don't think he was in pain."

“Am I cursed?” Argella asked suddenly, startling Alyssa.

“Why would you say that?” Alyssa rushed to her side, sliding an arm over her shoulder. Of course she would wonder why tragedy struck her once more.

“It was the first time I begged the Gods since…”

“Since your father...” unable to speak the horrible truth of how her son came to be lord of this castle, Alyssa leaned over, kissing Argella’s eyebrow.

“Elenei’s parents tried to kill Durran after their daughter chose him. Maybe my father…”

“Your father wouldn’t harm your baby, lady Argella.”

“You didn’t know him!”

“I didn’t but I know he loved you fiercely.” Orys told her how Argilac whispered his daughter’s name with his last breath.

“He could hate with the same ferocity,” Argella let out a shaky breath, wrapping the stillborn baby once more and shielding him with her other hand in a protective manner.

“I believe you,” Alyssa felt her mouth suddenly dry as she debated to herself if Argella was ready to let go of her baby and how she would proceed if she wasn’t.

“I-I wish I could rest,” Argella stammered and Alyssa could say she was trying to hold back the tears.

“Can I?” Alyssa glanced at Argella’s hands.

Argella closed her eyes and nodded slowly, placing the small bundle into her hands.

* * *

“We should warn Lord Orys!” Maester Corlys whispered to Alyssa as she prepared a broth for Argella.

“You will keep your lips sealed or I’ll convince my son you’re not needed here. It’s her right to tell him when she wants to.” Alyssa glared.

* * *

A few days later, Argella followed Alyssa into the grove the small folk believed to be sacred.

“I didn’t know where I should lay him to rest and I was…” Alyssa stammered, afraid Argella wouldn’t approve of her choice to bury the baby outside the castle.

Argella interrupted Alyssa with an embrace, “Thank you,”

Alyssa gasped, unsure about what to do with this unprecedented act of tenderness.

Argella pulled away, sniffing and smiling for some mysterious reason. Alyssa tilted her head, narrowing her eyes as if she could unravel what Argella was thinking.

“Now whenever I leave the castle, people will think I’m brewing spells to destroy Aegon Targaryen.”

Alyssa couldn’t laugh at the remark, terrified even the trees could sense the suggestion of treason in her words.

“You know I’m no witch.” Argella chuckled, but Alyssa felt the sadness underneath the facade.

_I wouldn’t be a mere Lady if I were a witch._


End file.
